Coping with Disappointment

Did you know behind every disappointment there is a furrowed expectation? Understanding when and why we become disappointed can tell us a lot about ourselves and what we, sometimes even unknowingly, expect from others. In today’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn cover the topics surrounding disappointment while sharing some examples and explanations to have more reasonable and communicated expectations. Leslie and Leslyn also over their advice to handle disappointment in the current world climate.

(so sorry that the sound is blown out … apparently a dial on our mixer got adjusted incorrectly!!)

In this episode, we discuss…

Show Intro [0:01]

Introductions—Disappointment [0:12]

Start of the Podcast [0:42]

What is Disappointment? [6:26]

Seeking to Avoid Disappointment [7:14]

The Need to Be Perfect [8:15]

Unhealthy Relationship Example [10:11]

Understanding Disappointment to Understand Ourselves [12:31]

Why Are We Not Happy? [13:17]

Leslie’s Weekend Disappointment [13:53]

Disappointments That Are Out of Our Control [19:20]

Leslyn’s Example on Communication and Disappointment [23:02]

Having Reasonable and Communicated Expectations [28:36]

The Expectations We Have of Ourselves [35:40]

Try This at Home [41:10]

Topics to Come [44:48]

Closing Thoughts [45:22]

Outro [45:44]

Episode Notes:

On this week’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn cover the topics surrounding disappointment. Leslyn starts out by saying that disappointment is a fact of life and shares that if the listeners takes anything from this episode it should be that it’s really important to understand that you cannot and will not avoid disappointment.

Disappointment is the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations. Leslyn likes to think about the research around disappointment where it is seen as a form of sadness, feeling of loss, or uncomfortable space. Disappointment is the space between our expectations and our reality.

Leslie shares an article from the Harvard Business Review that believes we handle disappointment in a few ways. Some people seek to avoid disappointment so much that they basically become underachievers setting the bar low enough that it can be hard to be disappointed. Leslyn adds on this end of the spectrum you have people who do not want to disappoint themselves and therefore do not try. On the other end of the spectrum, you have people who do not want to disappoint others and have this need to be perfect. While underachievers are afraid of disappointing themselves, overachievers are afraid of disappointing someone else.

Understanding disappointment can help us learn a lot about ourselves. It turns out that disappointment and expectations go hand in hand as there seems to be a correlation in the data to how much happiness people report in research studies. In essence, we are unhappy because our expectations of reality exceed our experiences of reality.

When looking at disappointment it’s critical to understand that many things we often find ourselves expressing disappointment for are things that are completely and totally outside of our control. Sometimes you have to sit back and ask yourself when you are disappointed is this inside or outside of my control.

The most important aspect of disappointment for Leslyn is the expectations that we have for ourselves. What are the expectations that you have for yourself? Leslie shares that recently she is disappointed and not reaching her expectation of finishing her to-do lists in the past few months. Leslyn raises ideas from an episode at the beginning of the pandemic, link below. The idea that we have adapted our lives for the shifts occurring during the pandemic, but we did not adapt our expectations of our lives. This is a time that we are all feeling disappointments as life is not the way that it is as well as people are experiencing their own disappointments that we must keep that in mind.

This week’s try this at home is to be thoughtful and include a little bit of grace to others and yourself as we adapt to this new world that we live in. Take a moment to look at the things that you are disappointed abut and find those who identify each of those elements of disappointment. Figure out what you have control over and what you don’t. The things you do not have control over, process the sadness, and step away and remember that being disappointed and disappointing other people is a part of being human.

Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home!

Next Week’s Episode: Finding Your Purpose

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com

Links to Look At:

Get Coached by Leslyn!! http://growwithleslyn.com

Try This at Home’s Episode: Those Who Adapt, Survive

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/8/3/227-those-who-adapt-survive]

Harvard Business Review | Dealing with Disappointment

[https://hbr.org/2018/08/dealing-with-disappointment]

TEDX | Nate Ware: Why We’re Unhappy – The Expectation Gap