#224 Narcissism - A frank discussion

It’s hard to believe that we have not discussed this topic yet, especially since narcissism seems to be rampant in our culture as of late. In today’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn break down narcissism. What is it, how can you spot it, and most importantly how you can protect yourself from it. Leslie and Leslyn explain the symptoms of a textbook narcissist and explain some of the reasoning behind why narcissism and codependency are born from the same toxic deficit. They also share some great resources to help you understand narcissism and even a book giveaway opportunity!

In this episode, we discuss…

Show Intro [0:01]

Introductions—Narcissism [0:12]

Start of the Podcast [0:42]

The Love and Support Found on TikTok [1:02]

Diagnostic Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder [6:16]

Culture’s Pervasive Narcissism [8:54]

Relationships with Narcissist [10:24]

Rethinking Narcissism [12:25]

Leslyn’s Grandmother on Receiving Complements [18:28]

Leslie’s Social Media Experience [20:47]

Share and Touch Base with Us! [22:03]

The Little Things [22:27]

Narcissistic Relationships and Toxic Codependency [29:57]

Take the Test! [33:27]

Try This at Home [34:25]

Closing Thoughts [35:09]

Outro [35:31]

Episode Notes:

In today’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn tackle narcissism. One of the reasons that Leslyn wanted to cover this topic is she has seen a lot of people on TikTok that have been suffering the consequences of having been in a relationship with a narcissist. What really is a narcissist?

To be diagnosed as having a narcissistic personality disorder 5 of these traits must be met. Someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder has an exaggerated sense of self-importance. With this, they have a sense of entitlement that needs consistent admiration. A person who has a narcissistic personality disorder is preoccupied with fantasies of power, brilliance, and success. They want to be recognized and believe they are superior to others. This superiority causes them to belittle or look down on people that they perceive as less than. The person may expect special favors and request an unquestioning compliance to their demands. A person with a narcissistic personality disorder may take advantage of others to get what they want and have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the feeling of others. The person may believe people envy them and will behave in an arrogant manner or insist on having the best of anything.

Leslie shares that narcissism is pervasive. Anyone can be a star these days on any social media platform. It seems some people are overly interested into this idea and desperately want to be a star themselves. Leslyn explains that these are definitely the kind of things we think about when we think of narcissism but there is one that people often miss. Leslyn wants to look at narcissism in suburbia. This setting for narcissism is more damaging to the emotional psyche, especially to the kids being raised by a narcissistic parent or the partners of narcissistic people.

Leslyn encourages the listeners to look up Dr. Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist from Harvard who wrote the book, Rethinking Narcissism. In the book, Dr. Malkin shares a narcissist test that can also be found at his website, or in the links below.

Leslyn shares that having confidence does not equate to narcissism. Narcissist though, must get their egos stroked at another people’s expense. In an unhealthy, pathological narcissist, you will often see destruction and a lot of broken people around them. A pathological narcissist does not know how to take a backseat to their children or spouse’s success. There always must be a one-up in the scenario. Leslyn hopes this episode will help the listeners understand that having self-confidence is not narcissistic as long as it is balanced with humility.

When living with a narcissist, life is not all gold, it often can be little things that add up to a whole lot of hurt. For Leslyn, her ex-husband was a narcissist. Leslyn ended up giving up her dreams for him to shine and always had to be outranked by him. A lot of people may resonate with this. Leslyn sees women who are active clients who are getting out of narcissistic marriages and are trying to recover their spirit. This has been a long timeframe in their lives of feeling less than so their partner can feel more than. Leslyn adds that in her research the saddest realization is that narcissist often is are the way they are because they feel empty inside.

Leslyn shares that codependency and narcissism are both born out of the same deficits and often are drawn together. The problematic elements of codependency are born out of the desire to be loved. A narcissist wants to be loved as well and the codependent is willing to give all admiration to the narcissist while the narcissist won’t give any of that energy back. It can be toxic and destructive. Both codependency and narcissism can be recoverable unless it becomes pathological.

If after taking Dr. Craig Malkin’s narcissism test you find out you have some narcissistic tendencies that are unhealthy, you can absolutely reverse those or change those so that they become healthier. Leslie and Leslyn both agree that awareness is the first step. Knowing that you have these narcissist tendencies is super important to make the right steps forward.

Would you like the possibility of winning Dr.Craig Malkin’s book Rethinking Narcissism? Reach out to Leslie and Leslyn on social media or on their website and let them know that you have a narcissistic partner and you need to learn more about it. You will be entered into a drawing for a FREE copy of Rethinking Narcissism!

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Next Week’s Episode: What is a CoDependent?

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Links to Look At:

Dr. Craig Malkin | Narcissism Test

[http://www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-narcissism-test]

Dr. Craig Malkin | Rethinking Narcissism

[http://www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book]

Dr. Craig Malkin | Website

[http://www.drcraigmalkin.com/]