How to Win Fights
We’ve been talking a lot about communication these last few weeks and perhaps one of the times when it’s most important is when we disagree with a loved one. It’s unrealistic to think that we can spend a lifetime with someone and never argue. We’re going to fight about something - eventually. Why not fight to win?
In today’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn start out by talking about the value of arguing. When couples - or people in relationships - confront issues, respectfully oppose, and seek resolution, they are not only demonstrating maturity but teaching observers that you can love someone and still disagree. It’s an important skill to teach children. When we withhold this demonstration, we allow a false impression to develop.
They continue on to describe what a healthy argument looks like and most importantly, share how to end with a win. Ultimately, it’s when both parties feel heard, respected, and experience a sense of resolution in some manner. As usual, they use examples and real life stories to drive home the point.
They introduce John Gottman, PhD - a leading researcher in the field of couples therapy - and comment on his recommended strategies on conflict resolution. The use of “I” statements, validation, listening, and vocalizing needs is discussed. Additionally, Leslie and Leslyn offer some realistic examples of what it sounds like to take responsibility and offer empathy even if you don’t agree with your partner.
Because everyone will have a disagreement with a loved one more often than they might hope, it’s important to develop skills that will allow them to manifest productively. This conversation between Leslie and Leslyn will offer valuable instruction and insight so that you can win each time you fight.